... the tide is turning
Allow yourself to grieve:
Grief is a perfectly normal human reaction. Five stages of grief were identified by author Elizabeth Kubler-Ross in her book "On Death and Dying" about a terminal cancer patient's experience after prognosis.
Kubler-Ross identified the following...
Although grief can be obvious, it can also manifest itself through stress. An itchy rash may begin, or sleeplessness or strange cold-like symptoms.
It is understood that when dealing with the Department of Child Safety, if a parent grieves too much they seem to think the parent is regretting that they've been "caught" and if a parent doesn't grieve at all the parent doesn't care enough for their child. It is somewhat a "Catch 22" situation.
Ignore whatever DoCS thinks of it. At worst, they can request an assessment on a parent's mental health.
Give in to grief and let it flow it's natural course. Parents who allow themselves to grieve will come to an understanding of their situation much faster than those who refuse to grieve or fight it. When a parent is in the privacy of their own home, they don't have to put on a facade. They can let it all out.
It is much better for personal health to allow grief to play it's part than to bottle it all up.
A parent can not help their child if they don't help themselves first.
Do lots of research:
Jump right into research. Learn everything about everything to do with DoCS, Court orders and also find support.
Power is knowledge and the best way to find out if the CSO is doing the right thing by you and your child is to research everything.
Research also gives you an avenue to find out if DoCS is doing the wrong thing by you or your child.
Keep copies of everything:
Keep a printed copy of everything you have written, especially if you have sent it to your CSO or your solicitor. Also print out anything you find on the Internet that you found very interesting or pertained to your situation.
Also print out things that caught your attention but you didn't think much about. You never know when something may just come in handy.
It's also a wise idea to write down anything you hear from your CSO or a contact supervisor that you think is interesting or detrimental to your situation.
If you sign anything to do with the Department, request a copy of it.
Request copies of everything, reports inclusive.
Ask questions:
If there is anything you don't understand or aren't sure about, don't be afraid to question it. If your CSO can't give you an answer, ask them to get one for you.
If you are not happy with a decision that has been made about your child, question why it was made and what the reasoning behind it was.
Asking questions also shows DoCS that you are interested in your child and what is happening with your child. Departmenal officers do notice when parents do not ask questions.
Involve yourself:
Don't allow CSOs to go about their business without involving you because they will and you'll be forgotten about.
Get involved with everything that is going on with your child and make suggestions about things you think may be beneficial to your child. If you think your child needs their eyes tested or needs to be wormed, make it known. Your CSO wouldn't have a clue and the foster carer may not address it with the CSO.
Take your child to the hair dresser during a contact visit if their fringe is down to their chin.
Find a diversion:
Involvement with the Department of Child Safety can easily become all consuming. Find yourself a diversion. Change your lifestyle, even slightly. Begin taking an evening stroll with your partner or take the family dog for an extra walk during the day. Even take up a new hobby.
The four walls of your home can begin to close in very quickly and it will help you to take a "time out" from the family home at least once a day.
Keep a regular journal:
Each day, write a dated entry about how you are feeling, what happened during the day and make notes of anything you observed during contact visits with your child or anything your CSO told you.
It can be interesting to read back over what you have written at a later date, to see how your emotions and thoughts evolved. Plus it can be a good source of information for dates and exactly what was said or exactly what happened if concerns arise or certain comments had been made by key people.
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