... the tide is turning
When dealing with the Department of Child Safety, it is very easy to become emotionally wrung out and engage your mouth before you engage your brain.
If you follow these few simple steps, you may find that not only have you made your life a bit easier, but you've managed to avoid an unnecessary situation.
Some of these steps may seem like a joke or are completely against what you are thinking or how you are feeling, but in reality it's in your best interest to follow them to the best of your ability.
Dos:
Treat your CSO and any other Departmental officer with respect.
This may seem like a hard pill to swallow, but it only helps you and your situation. It doesn't mean you have to make them your new best friend. It simply means that you speak and act towards them the way you want them to speak and act towards you.
In speaking to officers from the Department of Child Safety with an even, level tone you will find that CSOs will speak to you like the person you are and it will divert them from having concerns about possible mental health issues or thoughts of anger management programmes.
Think of everybody as an officer from the Department.
Once DoCS have become involved in your life, they make your business their business. They will contact everyone they can from your own parents to your GP and the principal of your child's school. They will also look through your children's school files and contact people who are emergency contacts. When it comes to DoCS officers, the privacy policy doesn't exist in schools. Principals think they are helping and are happy to open files.
No doubt you will have intervention from outside organizations come into your home, think of them as DoCS officers as well.
Everybody becomes another branch on the DoCS grapevine and everything filters back to DoCS.
Take a witness with you to all meetings with the Department.
Officers from the Department of Child Safety will happily tell you that you are welcome to have anybody you like participate in any meetings you have with DoCS officers. Never go alone.
Solicitors are more than happy to attend meetings with you. Having another person there covers your back. If something happens during a meeting you have a witness who can attest to what was said or done.
Family members or close friends can also attend meetings with you.
Don't let anything surprise you.
DoCS are very secretive and do keep a lot of things to themselves. At times they will throw you a curve ball.
Regardless of the type of game they are playing with your situation, expect them to throw a spanner in the works at any time and don't be surprised by it.
Keep your ears peeled and your eyes open.
If you are having supervised contact visits with your child, listen to everything the contact supervisor says. At times they can drop delicious pieces of information right in your lap without being aware of it. You can learn lots of things about your children, the foster carers and the Department without even asking any questions.
CSOs can also unintentionally divulge information. Especially if they have a comfortable relationship with you.
Write everything you see and hear down and date it.
Expect behavioural changes from your child.
Children don't understand foster care and they don't understand why they no longer live with mum and dad. DoCS deliberately do not inform children of why they no longer live in the family home. They see it as sticking pins in the child.
A child's self preservation mechanism and the only way they know to express how they are feeling is in emotional and behavioural changes. They may become aggressive, verbally abusive, destructive or withdrawn and also test their boundaries with you.
Understand that as you suffer, your child is also suffering. Be supportive and maintain your house rules. Step away from you child if they are having a temper tantrum and don't buy into anything.
If your child begins to abuse you, don't take it personally.
Remind the Department of things.
As over worked as CSOs are, they often need constant reminding.
The Department of Child Safety will blame being over worked, or having so many cases to deal with or whatever they see fit as the reason behind why they have not carried out something for you or your child. This is their problem, not yours.
In reminding them of things they are meant to be doing, you are keeping your finger on the pulse.
You can remind them about anything from finding out why your child is being given eye drops by the foster carer to a certain point in the Case Plan needing to be carried out.
Push the issue.
If you're not happy with the fact that your children are walking around in shoes that are too small or torn to shreds, make your CSO aware of it.
You don't have to be confrontational. You just need to tell the CSO about whatever it is and give a reason why you think or feel this way.
Use their words, like "concern", "neglect" and "not in the child's best interest" and such. Use whichever words that are applicable.
Eg: "I am concerned about Jane not having her hair trimmed. It is neglectful that the foster carer has not taken her to a hair dresser and it's not healthy for Jane to be forced to crook her head to the side to be able to see the board at school. It concerns me that she may develop a problem with her neck muscles."
If you get no response, speak to your CSO about it again.
You may find you have to repeat your concern more than once, but don't let it go. If it concerns you that much, stick to your guns and make your CSO aware of why you have these concerns.
Don'ts:
If you don't want to see it in an affidavit, don't say it.
The Department of Child Safety gather information about you not just by speaking to people who know you, but by observing you over the phone and in person. They are trained to do this.
If you don't want to see something written about you in an affidavit, don't tell DoCS or anybody commissioned to assess and write a report about you.
Hypothetically... If you had a pregnancy termination last year and your mother happened to smack you when you did something wrong you could very well find DoCS standing up in Court telling a Magistrate that you have possible mental health issues due to the distress of terminating a pregnancy which could stem back to being an abused child yourself.
Realistically... You are entitled to keep things to yourself and nobody needs to know if you terminated a pregnancy or ten of them. Also, divulging that you were smacked as a child will show in an affidavit as you being an abused child to validate a cycle of abuse.
Don't throw a temper tantrum in front of a CSO or Departmental officer.
Although DoCS officers frustrate the daylights out of everybody, the last thing you want to do is throw a paddy in front of a CSO.
Having a hissy fit will not help your situation or your child and you could very well find the Department demanding psychological assessment reports on you which could have easily been avoided.
Don't divulge further possible notifications.
It's very easy to think that if we tell DoCS as much information as possible, the mess will be cleared up and everything will be OK. Wrong.
CSOs, especially Intake Officers, are very good at turning information into notifications. Remember, they have their own agenda and they're keen to use anything against you that will further set their allegations in concrete.
Think before you speak.
Don't turn home visits into social get-togethers.
If a CSO is coming to see you in your home, don't set out the coffee and cake and make it a social occasion.
Be polite, answer their questions and don't elaborate if they want more information. Then see them to the door as soon as they have done what they needed to do in the first place.
Don't give too much information.
This is a rule of thumb for everybody from a CSO to an outsider commissioned to write a report and the person supervising your contact visits with your child.
Answer any questions you are asked with polite, concise answers. If you are asked to elaborate or explain, don't.
You are not obligated to explain anything.
Don't manipulate your own child.
Do not, under any circumstances, manipulate your child.
The temptation to "get back" at the foster carers can be overwhelming, especially if they are raising your child in a way that you would not. You need to set this aside in the best interest of your child.
The anger you may feel towards the Department of Child Safety for removing your child from your home is better used elsewhere.
Children are extremely easy to manipulate, so you will need to be careful with the things in which you say or do around your child.
Do not instruct your child to act a certain way towards a certain person or tell them to tell somebody this or that.
This kind of behaviour will not help you or your child and it will come back to bite you on the butt.
If you want somebody to be told something, ask your CSO to tell them.
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